Thursday, December 30, 2010

Black and yellow

Hey freaks&geeks-

I babysat the girls yesterday. Josebean stood up on the couch and yelled at the top of her three year old lungs


I asked Katie what the fuck was going on...

"She's making an announcement."

I fucking love kids. Speaking of children, I went to my preschool yesterday. I gave a snowglobe to one of the teachers in 1997 and it's still there. It has a picture of me in it looking wistfully into the sunset. What the fuck?

My husband is back on the facebooks, so please friend him.


Saturday, December 25, 2010

Christmas Blues.

I hate Christmas. Everything is different this year and I am fine with that it's just...all so fake. My family tried to do a secret santa type deal and really, my mom just went out and bought everything. Someone gave me a shirt that reads "when i snap you'll be the first to go." Not only does that make me look like a bitch, but I really do snap sometimes. It's something I've had trouble with and the shirt makes my problem look like a joke.
I'm always seen or portrayed as the "bad" one. I don't do anything that bad. Apparently I'm promiscuous, a liar, a cheater, an over all horrible person. My father refused to go to his mother's house. Fine. Despite the drama at Thanksgiving, he should have still gone to make her happy. I'm not the only Christmas Ruiner. Maybe it's genetic. Now he wants me to apologize to my little sister because it's Always me. I Always fuck up. It's expected. Apologies can't be forced and thus I'm not going to apologize to simply make my hypocritical father happy. I'll apologize when I'm good and ready so, not anytime soon.
I ruined Christmas last year. I did it again this year. Atleast I'm consistent.

happy holidays everyone.


Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Sky Pee

It's been raining for a week now...great. Ponaynay Ficus does Not enjoy this at all. I have been walking him everyday and everyday you can see him get more and more bored. His brain is FRIED. A certain Italian boy was smoking in Georgia's parking lot. No bueno. I hate the rain.. hate, but I do enjoy this picture.

Sunday, December 19, 2010


Hello peeps,

Sorry I haven't been around lately. Shit happens. Basically, nothing has happened. Sherman and Seamus are our new best friends. All is well with ponaynay ficus. Today is ChellPhish's Christmas party...we are exxxcited about the party, however we hate Christmas.

I recently purchased a designer dress for 10 dollars. I am God.

- George

Monday, December 13, 2010

What would Joseph do?

Hey publics-

The mister and I are acting as actors in the live nativity scene at school. I'm playing the role of Joseph and George is a wise man. He is accompanied by a ginger and a black woman. They're a multicultural group. We had rehearsal tonight and raved while in the manger. It was thrilling.

We also had an afternoon snack with a man named Spike. We are cookie dough in a parking lot and yelled at cars nearby. It was also thrilling.
A black guy and a ginger want to date me. I just wanted to say that.


Tuesday, December 7, 2010


Hello Motherfuckers-

I'm sorry again about the lateness of this blog. George and myself are utterly busy and the blog may or may not be updated more often.

The mister and I have come to a new level in our friendship. This level is 10.5, and though we cannot tell you exactly what goes into this new level, we love each other dearly and all is well between us.

Badass Ficus got in trouble yesterday about calling whomever a terrible name. She let George wear the hat. (Photo to come soon.)

I've got to walk to school now with Neighbor Ficus.



Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Insect

It was yesterday when it happened to me...I, was attacked. Normally this wouldn't be such a big deal but because it wasn't by a human, it is now a big deal. Besides being attacked by a rather large insect, I was saved by an even larger and stranger being. It was indeed an interesting experience that you really had to be there for to fully grasp the drama of it all. The screams of the standersby were intense and Georgia almost pissed herself.

George Ficus

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Blogging: Library Edition

Hello homies!

I'm here in the school library BLOGGING! The librarian runs a tight ship, so I get extra brownie points for this.

George and I are sorry for the tardy blog; we've been very busy. The first week of November, I was Myrtle Mae in th school play. It went terribly well and I don't miss it a bit. I have my life back.

Work is good. I met former Doo Dah Queen Skittles and we wrote down serial numbers together. True bonding right there.

I saw Little Children yesteday. I want to read the book now.

Tomorrow is my birthday. 17 on the 18th!



P.S. The photo is of Queen Skittles.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Who the hell thought it'd be a good idea to have halloween on a frickin' sunday?
Everyone knows Jesus hates halloween; all those pageans make him nervous.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Ball and Biscuit

Hey haunts-

I'm sitting here with sassy ass Giselle in Independent Religion. She's being totally rude and inconsiderate. I told her I'm blogging about her, a high honor in the Ficus community.
"I don't care," she said.
How dare she.
I'm dressed as Ms. Tymon today because it's "Halloween." She's little red ridding hood. I wish she was me...We took a picture together and photos will appear shortly.
George doesn't like to dress up, so he is just wearing a flower hat.
I'm doing homework all this weekend because of the play. It better be a good show because we've put too much damn work into it for it to suck.
I'm pissed off, tired, have rashes on my arms and legs, hungry and gorgeous.
Nice to meet you.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I hate everyone

So today I came clean. I just had to let Mandela know.. They questioned, I responded. "I hate everyone." Maybe they thought I was joking but really, we all know it's true. There are only two people I love; My dearest Fitchy, and Georgia.

Sorry Humanity.


Thursday, October 21, 2010

There's rain on my bangs...

I'm at school. I'm blogging. Jealous??!?!!!!??
I'm sitting by Alessia and Tira, the perfect combination. I get to go to the doctor today during 5th period, which means I'll be missing modern dance. I love modern dance. Sacsha's here too. Emily didn't give Andrea and I a ride this morning, but she honked at us, like that's supposed to be comforting. THANKS, EMILY! WE LOVED BEING IN YOUR CAR, OUT OF THE RAIN!!!!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Today was a fine rainy day. Nothing really happened and in my book, that's a fanfuckintastic day. I haven't gone to see Rambo in a while and I miss him dearly. Apparently, he isn't being a naughty pony. He plays nice, sometimes. Over 75% of my outfit is from either Salvation army or sierra madre thrift. Huzzah. Phyllis is very irritating, mostly because I could probably cultivate snails faster than she can simply write down "y= 3x-24". I get to waste an hour and a half sitting, staring, and hoping she cracks a joke. She does have amazing arm flab and hips however and never ceases to amaze me. Her hair never seems to move. Her shoe tan is priceless. She has a certain swag that no human could ever replicate. In other words, I think I might... appreciate her.

George Ficus

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The First Ficus Sleepover

Yes, you heard it here first, bloggers. The Ficusssssss' had their first sleepover. The event happened at junior retreat. Mr. Ficus slept like an adorable little baby. As for myelf, I slept like a broken record...not at all. I snuck a snooze or two in, but i was mostly in pain over my head and future children.

The retreat itself was very nice. The fighters didn't fight, the lovers loved, and the Ficus' ate food. I made friendships with wonderful young women in our class and I am thrilled to continue our relationship into the next two years.

I'm rather positive about the future in general. I needed a break from school.


Saturday, October 16, 2010


Junior Retreat.
What to say about it? We laughed, we cried, we farted. We ate a shit load of food and the taco truck was outstanding. Now we aren't just the class of 2012. We are sisters. I am confident that we are truly united as a class, and as a sisterhood.
As for religion... :)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Hey bloggees.

Tomorrow we take the PSAT, get our Bling, and go home. The next day, we have retreat. Sounds more like capital punishment to this office plant.

G View Ficus and I have a brilliant idea. We just have to wait it out for a while.My Humps popped up on shuffle. I am deeply saddened for my lack of "humps". What eva. What I lack in "lady lumps" I more than make up for in personality. *pun*

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Happy birthday, self!

It's John Lennon's birthday. I'm being him for halloween.
Photos to come soon.

My mom and I went to Porto's yesterday. Long story short, we got someones else's order IN ADDITION to ours. Needless to say, we partied pretty hard last night. We went to a haunted hayride in Griffith Park. I wasn't scared, but the lady was terrified.

I guess I'm fearless.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Crazy...crazy for feeling so lonely.

Hey Jags-

So, we lost the pep rally. None of us were very peppy. Little One made a good observation..."Once you get to junior year, you're so exhausted that you don't give a fuck about pep rallies."
True dat.

I've been exhausted and depressed for a week or so. It's terribly inconvinent. There isn't a specific reason for it; I just am.

Kay Starr is lovely, isn't she? I have a mild crush on her. I wrote her a fan letter. I hope she gets it before she dies.

Junior retreat is next week. Maybe we'll be peppy then.

"All I want to do is help people BUT NO!"

The other day, I happened to be walking down the hallway. I heard an angelic voice coming from my right. She exclaimed " All I want to do is help people but no! I can't do that because I have a Dentist appointment!" It made me giggle with joy. It was as if I had just consumed a radioactive hampster. That's how happy it made me. I felt a warm, fuzzy feeling that I haven't felt before.

Is this what it's like to feel...Compassionate?

George Ficus

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Hey party peeps

Sorry I have been a Pessimistic Paul lately. I will try to perk it up a bit.

The way the Attack Koi work is you click on the water and orange dots appear. The orange dots are food. They go for the food so click away.


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

People actually read this?

Really? People actually read what George an I say? The power of bordem and the internet is amazing. I hope you like the photo. It's from the vault. Doesn't George look like a certain Korean?

I'm getting over the flu. It was horrible on friday and saturday. I went the the Little One's party friday night, then proceeded to crash and burn (literally). My fever was no match for the weather, though. How the hell does a thermometer even break?

Jazz Hands Pattison is trying to hook me up with a man. Said man is in the play, but he is not my love interest. My love interest is a very nice senior (maybe junior) at PHS. He attempted to slap my booty in the play. Oy. No one showed up to rehearsal today, so we have to have friday rehearsal. I'm not happy or exxxcited about it.

I get a new telephone tomorrow. It's red. I'd appricate name suggestions.
RIP Benjamin. You will be missed, sweet phone.

Good vibes out to our lovely lunch woman. She was burned on her face this morning.


Monday, September 27, 2010

It's frickin hot.

so today is a rather hot day.
school was boring up until I saw one of our favorite Golden girl's nailpolish. WE MATCHED. She also gave me her Dr. Pepper. Georgia is sick so please send some prayers up her alley. (no pun intended) Our improv was good, math was oddly entertaining, aiding the office was good and my fellow aide finally got a letter from her man. Props to you fellow aide.
I guess I have an anatomy test tomorrow. Shit. I have no idea how to study for that plus, I don't really want to. I will though, so far it's my lowest grade. A C IS MY LOWEST GRADE, and I think hell froze over this September.

- George

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Why helloooo there fellow bloggettes!

Sorry for the delay,I was too busy aiding the office. Yeah, Georgia isn't an office aide anymore, we miss her greatly. I now dance the dance of the printer...alone. I have office aide tomorrow so, let's see if tomorrow is filled with printing and shmoozing. Ponaynay Ficus will now be known as Rambo/Rocky Ficus. He feels nor fears no pain. Grandmother Willow got her ear peirced along with a short new hair cut. I say mid life crisis but really, her mom ruined her hair and the ear peircing just had to be done. I guess some of the orchard girls are making some naughty decisions. They aren't in the nursery anymore. Georgia looked like a pirate today in her huge men's button down shirt tucked into the tiny khaki skirt. Watch out there pirates of the world, my Wife is gonna kick some major sumali ass.
Yesterday, Swiss Chocolate and The Boy got in a fight. Guess who came up stairs crying? The Boy got beat by Swiss Chocolate. Hoorah to you swissy, hoorah.

Fight on little one, fight on.


Monday, September 20, 2010

I'm in independent study religion.

You heard that right, folks. I'm no longer an office aide with George. Taking the place of my 2 period is FIRST SEMESTER FRESHMAN RELIGION. Seriously. No yoke. It's totally balls that I have to retake the class, but IS is sort of fun. It would be so much more fun if Giselle wasn't here. Mr. Merchant has decent taste in music. Today is the first run-through of the play and I am just tickled pink.
Mandie is wearing a really hilarious headset. She looks like a flight attendant.


Sunday, September 12, 2010

so, my grandm died.

yeah. she died on august 26, which is why i haven't blogged in a long time.
i'm sorry.
but good news! i'm in the school play! i'm myrtle in "harvey." i'm liza's daughter. match made in fucking heaven. it'll be a good show. oh, also, i have to fall in love with a burly man in the show. so exxxcited.
i have to go be jewish.
i'm also a wannabe indie kid.


Sunday, September 5, 2010

Two Weeks in Hell

hello there ladies,

i am currently sitting on my mother's bed watching "two weeks in hell". these green barets are getting "smoked". nothing has really been going on. there are certain people out there that i simply cannot tolerate anymore. so heres to you ass holes, suck my dick. it's one thing to claim no phobias, but another to prove it.
georgia and i are having an odd first two weeks of school. RIP jennie. classes are okay. friends are okay. sylvie fern is doing great so far. i can't really focus right now... or lately to be honest. things have changed since summer. i've got all the same people, some more involved than others but generally no one is that close. it's easier that way, you get less dissapointed the less invested you are.
i rode ponaynay ficus friday. he was perfect. there's something to look forward to; first ten minutes of hell then he's fine. dandy.
i'm tired, and i look like i just killed someone. True Life is on. it's a baby daddy one where the daddy is out of state or some shit like that. jasmine is is upset nathan ain't there to help her.

good luck jas.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Bladder Infections and Ex-Boyfriends.

So Georgia has a Bladder infection. I am currently sitting on her bed consolling her. She is wearing red shorts and tank top, minus a bra. At least she is wearing underwear. we had a going away dinner for Dyke Ficus. It was good and we met a few boys wearing themed shirts. Koolaid and Koolaid's friend weren't as tight as we thought. Elmo has been a douche. Georgia keeps harassing them and Koolaid's friend wants Georgia's goodies.

I hung out with My Dinger. He wants to start a Poligamist Cult. He invited Sylvia Ficus to join it. She denied the offer. Georgia doesn't want to say anything... she's a bit tired.

diva-licious. yes, it's hyphinated.

george ficus.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

toot it and boot it....what?

george is still away. now i am starting to undstand how he felt when i was gone.

i'm good. no complaints today. i tanned earlier and got a bank account because i am a working girl with checks to cash. i got to pick my debit card design. obviously, i am not an adorable kind of lady, so i picked the marine one. you're welcome, dad and george.
at work yesterday, thom oak and i drank yellow cat fucks. it is a delicious drink that must be had only on the terrace of the castle green. paddy brought us cookies and pickles, which i did not enjoy in the least.
mustang tobacco and i are going to watch mad men tonight. i'd watch mad men with anyone, but he's nice because he understands like kennedy references. i appriciate that.

i love astrud gilberto.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

coming up roses

hey motherfuckers-

my back is killing me. and i'm realzing that most of what i write about is complaints. and i don't really mind that. oh, well.
i saw mustang tobacco today after i cleaned hedleman daisy's closet. boy, was that a feat. i got a black backpack, chandler uniform and a superman pencil case out of it. watch out, junior year. i'm about to look FABULOUS.
mustang was and is good and smells like tobacco. which i enjoy.
last sunday i saw my lovely friend k-merc. i missed her. she's one of my only non-family cubans. her mom is an angel from heaven and her brother smokes pall malls, my alma mater.
oh, to be young.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

there's a land that i see where the children are free

hey homos-

i'm so tired today. i've been exhausted since friday night. i don't really know what's going on with me, but i know i need a fucking nap. i also need to do my APUSH homework right this second, but i'm not going to.
let's nap together.


Thursday, July 29, 2010

hey guys, sorry i was away.

I took a leap of faith off of ponaynay ficus. it's on tape and it's glorious. Georgia is doing well. She blogged yesterday but I'm blogging now. I am showing an actual Ponaynay all weekend; not exactly thrilled but OH WELL. Ponaynay Ficus was really good at the "mommy and me camp that happens to be for horses". Grandmother Willow was pleased. At church, we played a game involving a cat fish. i cut my finger on accident. it was a full sized dead catfish. the goal was to hit people on the heads in order to crack the egg in a stocking on the heads. gloruious. I am going on a church thingy next week, lets hope i make it out alive. Wish me luck.

Praise jesus,
George Ficus

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


hey motherpuckers-

i'm so tired and bored. life was exciting yesterday and the day before. i got my industrial piercing and i am very happy with it. it didn't bleed when i got it, but it hurt like a mother. it's still sore. yesterday was my good friend cactus deems birthday. we ate indian food and watched sixteen candles.

i'm watching boogie nights tonight.

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Horizontal Bop

Today i learned a new way of remembering horizontal vs. vertical. its called the horizontal bop. You cant do the horizontal bop vertically. You can youtube this song, The Horizontal Bop by Bob Seger.

Thanks Annon Ficus.

Friday, July 16, 2010

hey blog reading people-

i have a sinus infection. i'm attempting to complete my APUSH paper about the harlem renaissance, but my face hurts so much that i can't focus.
work is fantastic. thom oak and i hung special needs kids art in boxes by memorial park. go take a look. the tin foil giraffe is my personal favorite.
other than that, i've been rather bored and hot. i hate summer more than i hate ladybugs. (i have a terrible fear and hate of ladybugs.) i can't wait for february on one of those worthless but cold months.
i'm going to get an industrial ear piercing. wish me luck.

Sunday, July 11, 2010


hellllllllllllllllo blog readers with nothing better to do!
i'm so sorry that i have not blogged lately. i was in santa cruz with bonsai for a few days THEN i was in chicago for two weeks and just recently got back. here's a recap of my trip...
-went to a gay bar.
-made out with a dude in a field.
-got drunk on a boat.
-learned to salsa and cha cha.
i heard a lot of spanish and flirted with a lot of men (sorry, george.) my aunt said something really and truely touching about me.
"put a chastity belt on her."
now that's love.
i got a job with an organization called light bringer project. they put on arts events in pasadena and i get to work in the castle green. VERY pimpin'. i'm a paid intern, which sounds awfully legit.
last night, daisy woods and i went to johnny rockets. the waiter had a crush on me, so i left him a bandaid with my number on it. "use me when you're hurting."

didn't you miss me?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Mein Kampf written by Adolf Hitler

It is a rude awakening
when one realizes their existence
is shallow and plastic
That the motive for your existence has never been about pursuing knowledge or realizing the potential of your mind.
My fake laugh has become so natural it is almost real.
The lies I've told myself have become so ingrained in my mind that it is no longer truth that I can tell you,
but a premeditated,
twisted form of the truth.

So I say to my past "lovers" or anyone who has ever given me a passing feeling: it is not mutual. The only reason I stuck around was to satisfy my narcissistic dependency on attention.
All of you could go get run over by a bus
and I would only be concerned about who would fellate me with their words next.

Oh but of course it would appear that I was upset.
I would throw out some government subsidized tears,
maybe an artificially manufactured
"I can't believe they're gone."
On the inside there would always be a hopeful feeling
that I could find someone new to satisfy me,
maybe someone with less issues to deal with.
Hey, maybe this whole bus thing isn't so bad!

There is no way to truly scar me,
as long as there is a song to validate or an idea to use or
a cigarette to attract attention
I will always be ok.

The bottom line of this is the one thing I will ever be able to say with full honesty to anyone:
I don't care about you.
I don't care about your emotional state or your quality of life.
I only feel remorse that I couldn't have used you more.

The Love Letter

"my dearest and most loving george,

today is our anniversary. on this fine day two years ago, i tripped into ms. ares class and fell into love with you. we've had good times and difficult times. we have fought about nothing and made up in three seconds. we have bonded over our shared love of MI-chael. chicken strips and icee's have fed our souls, as well as our fat asses. for every laugh, there was another laugh. for every other laugh, there was a dirty joke. george, i am confident our love is the affair of the century. we have an unbreakable unity that not even chuck norris could break (sorry, haylee.) i love you, my little panda/ravier/raver/koko."

The Less I See of your Face the Better

Chic Beat

By Tony Q. Daffodil

It might just be me but every time I see some goofball walking down the street with tiny little sunglasses I feel like throwing up. There is nothing worse than seeing some kid who thinks he’s the bees knees rocking the John Lennon’s. That’s why you have to listen to one of my key style tips because without it everyone including your dog will be giggling about how stupid you look behind your back. Glasses with big frames are the only way to go! Big glasses are cool, styling, and you will be the envy of every kid on the block. But there are some rules to go along with this too. First rule in big sunglasses is never get big glasses with equally big arms. As a rule of thumb the arms should never be any thicker than a pencil. If the arms are too thick then the glasses over power your face and it will make you look like you should be chillin’ with “The Situation” aka trashy. The second rule that must be followed, make sure the front of the glasses are fun and exciting. When you find yourself saying “these are okay I guess, but they’re cheap,” you should not buy them. Also avoid alien glasses; you know what I’m talking about. The last rule is, don’t go too big, looking like a clown is never a good thing. Get something that you can be proud of and the will make you the cats pajamas. Now that you know what to wear there is no time to spare go get a pair.

Friday, June 11, 2010

The apology letter

Dear fellow bloggers/followers,

Georgia and I would like to openly apologize for not keeping up with the promised daily posts. We have been busy with the last few weeks of our sophomore educations with great and forgetful joy.

I hope this following will make up for the 2 week absence:

Fern Willow and the two fellow willows are at a competitive gathering this weekend. Hopefully, they don't get dumped at the ditch or abandoned at the water. Followers, wish them luck and maybe even send out a prayer shout out to the Man ^^upstairs.

still hated, less adorable, more fry-able.

I found a frog flashlight-keychain mechanism. I toyed with it... tried to make it work. Eventually, I lost all hope and put it down. I picked it up right now, realized I hadn't found the button on the top 20 minutes ago. As a result, the frog now doesn't work and is lying across the room in about 20 pieces. Sorry kermit.

Georgia is in Santa Cruz. Her brother, Bonsai Ficus, is graduating from UCSC. Congrats to Bonsai Ficus. Georgia, wants to cheat on me with his ever so tastey friend. How's that scandy candy for ya? yummm.

Some of you may be wondering how the lady of the garden is. Well, because she is in Santa Cruz, she won't be able to blog for another 3 days. But, if you must know how she is doing; she is in good health.

George Ficus

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Pussy Wagon

Hey blogettes.
I want a pussy wagon like the one in Kill Bill. If you have a spare one, please lend me it. This beautiful automobile was also in the Lady Gaga video...that one with Beyonce.
Mary's day was rigged. The sophomores and seniors "tied", but the seniors won. BULLSHIT. Our skit was kick ASS.
George and I celebrated Ryan's birthday last saturday with a bucket of chicken, minus the chicken.
I went to Island(s) last sunday with Diva Woods. One of the waiters gave me his card. Jesus loves Georgia.
I am single, hear me roar.

Always shave your legs with conditioner.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Alpha Twin, Beta Twin.

Hello all. Sorry I haven't written lately. George and I are very busy bees.
This week is spirit week.
Today was twin day. (Never go full twin.) George and I wore men's running shorts from the 1980's. Mine were half purple and magenta. George's were neon pink. People enjoyed us, as usual. Tomorrow is wacky tacky day, so get ready Alverno community.
I'm going to Chicago for two weeks in july and I am just so PUMPED. It's going to be so Cuban, you have no idea. NO IDEA. Butters is upset because she isn't going to Chicago this summer. I'm upset too, but fuck it. I love you Butters.
There's this guy across the street. He drives a big truck. He's like 18. I want to be his friend. I only see him like once a month, so it's a difficult task. I will prevail.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Damn The Chickens

Chickens... Chirp chirp chirp chirp after god damn chirp after fucking chirp..... Silence. CHIRP CHIRP FUCK YOU CHIRP CHIRP!!!silence.... Peck peck.. Ding a ling.... Scratch scratch scratch flap chirp...chirp....chirp....GOD DAMN CHICKENS!!!! WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY IN MYROOM!?! they arent mine.. I never volunteered. Why me?

I crawl in bed after I check their water. I blanket the cage as if they were parakeets. These chickens are living the life of luxury. I wish I had someone tuck me in every night. I turn their heat lamp on; God forbid they get cold. They all huddle together and...chirp. Eventually, they quiet down but I still want them deep fried in a commercial bucket. See? Now they are gently chirping... Chirping chirping.... Chirping. You see, everytime I cover them I feel like I'm just throwing a blanket over my problems. They are hidden, but annoying as FUCK. I KNOW THEYRE THERE! I HEAR THEM AND SEE THEM! CAN'T YOU? IS IT JUST ME WITH THIS BURNING INFESTATION WITHIN ME?! AM I SO WRONG TO PULL A BLANKET OVER MY CHIRPING PROBLEMS?! THEY WONT SHUT UP NO MATTER HOW I SUBTLY STRANGLE AND GAG THEM! ....maybe it is just me... Maybe, just maybe, I'm wrong... Maybe I've done everything wrong and by taking the road less taken I took the wrong one... But, how to solve the problem of the chirping chickens? Goddamn chickens...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Blog War Peace Treaty

Dear Unmentioned Fellow Blogger,

Stop blogging about Me indirectly. It's kind of lame and stupid because no one really cares. It would be greatly apprecited if you just dropped me as subject matter.

Fellow Blogger,
George Ficus

Lady of the house speaking.
I had a very nice day. Nothing was too weird or too uncomfortable. Good day. I wore my seahorse bubble wand necklace and blew bubbles at Mr. Holmes. He didn't notice.
My prom dress is pretty. I enjoy it, but I have no shoes.
Do the Right Thing rocks.


Monday, May 10, 2010

Hurricane in my Brain

i'm so happy. Everything in life, at this second, 12:43, is good. i'll probably feel differently after pilates, but fuck it.
Yesterday was National Adoption Day, National Birth Control Day, and Mother's Day. Me and my mama watched Betty White and Jay-Z on Saturday Night Live. Those are my two favorite people. I was very happy.
Georgia and Gatsby are going to prom saturday. I don't have a dress yet... FUCK. He gets to meet my ENTIRE family. FUCK. i have butterflies inside, inside, inside.
And a special shout out to Lauren Cimino. She is a constant inspiration to for George and i. We'd just like to publicly show our appreciation for her.
Official Count Down:
751 days until san fran.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A shout out to all my beautiful ladies

To my baby lauren cimino AKA HD TV:
i love you mama and ill see you manana.

To Haylee:
You looked Fly today.

To Ma gurl Sienna:
man... you is tall.. and beautifullll

To Kelly Shun:
I think it's cool you lived in the middle east...


(i'm black.)
george and i would like to thank all of our readers. i'd like to give a special SHOUT OUT to ashley lopez and julie bailey for their beautiful auras.

in pilates today, i actually worked out. my arms are shaking as i write this. also, i'm starving!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

We need More FOLLOWERS

No, we aren't a cult.... We just need more followers.. what's a blog with only 4 frickin followers? That's hurtfull. Georgia and I are sitting in Religion. We are supposed to be googling Muhammad and Islam but... the blog is more important than that.

Shasta got a new cat. Her name is Lola, Lourdes, Bogan.. She is a russian cat. Rightfully, they got her off of craig's list and she was probably stollen from a breeder. Getting this russian feline was more like a drug deal than an actual purchase.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

What level are you on?

Georgia and I decided our level...

We could share deodorant, socks, toothbrushes, clothes, food, soda *dr pepper*
We could : go to nude beaches while trusting that the other isn't looking past your shoulders, change in front of eachother, be bride's maids, play MJ at eachother's wedding, write books together, drive to San Fran, go thrift store shopping, get tattoos together, have our babies marry each other to make more perfect humans, get mani/pedis...
Georgia and I have a friendship that is closer than most. We are so close, we might actually hate each other somehow. You see, Georgia can strut, but I can do "Blue Steel". Together, we make a perfect pair of ficuses.

Georgia speaking:
George and I decided that we will make tons of copies of this adorable picture of us and give them to people for their birthdays.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Happy 4.21

Hello blogettes.
I was walking home with Andrea today, when some dude drove by us and stopped right infront of us. It ended up being my friend Nick from elementary school. We sropped off Andrea and hit up Mickey D's. Then we sat in his trunk.
I talked to this lovely freshlady today. She's smart and funny and sounds like me when she talks. I love her.
It's a wonderful day in Ficus world because Mr. George is going to be president or vice prez of gaming company with Chellee next year! I think it's lame, but I'm proud of him.
Mazel, George.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I have an illness and the only cure is... MORE BLOG!!

Today during class, my teacher talked about the elasticity if vaginal canals. We are in conceptual physics. My history teacher wasn't there. The computer teacher took over the class.
During Spanish, I was in improv.
Life is full of contradictions.
Next Friday we have freedress.

-George Ficus

Thursday, April 15, 2010


We watched The Office today in history. We made history in history. We declared that I was Dwight. Georgia is Angela. Tomorrow is the dumb registration thingy. No one knows what is going on. I was just frazzled.

Georgia is sexy.
-George Ficus

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Mister Brain

I'm watching Freaks and Geeks. I really really enjoy it. Too bad it only had one season.

I signed up for AP U.S. History and British Literature Honors for next year. I'm very excited. If I saw my classes for junior year when I was a freshperson, I would have died. I guess I'm moving up in the world. Thanks, brain.

What should I name my brain? Julis, Albert, Jesus? My brain is male, by the way.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Thou Shalt Not Sext

We had an assembly on sexting and cyber bullying.Summary of assembly:

Thou shalt not sext

Thou shalt not take pictures and email them

Creepy men are the only men

You will get killed for owning a facebook.

Thou shalt not ever be safe even though thou thinks

The government will prosectute... But it's never happened in California. So don't move to the east coast.
Georgia and I were saddened.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Welcome Back

Hey bitches. We took last week off.

Today during Spaglish, a massive bird flew into the window and exploded. I didn't look at it, but I heard that it was bleeding from the mouth and it's chest broke open.

My break was really fantastic. Me and mama Mary spent a lot of time together. I walked in a march yesterday for equal social security benefits for same-sex couples. WHAT DO WE WANT? EQUAL RIGHTS! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM? NOW!!!!!!!!!!! It went well. I got a lock and helmet for Virginia, dyed my hair black (I look like Snow White), saw Kip, hottubbbbbbed and went on the train every day.


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Happy spring break.

Today during the mass, Georgia and I decided to play rock paper scissors. I won. Shasta drcided to play me. So, she played, Georgia and I noticed that she wasn't even looking at our game and just followed the motions.
Georgia blushes when you say panties. I "blush" when you say nipple.
Chaka Kahn Chaka Kahn
-George Ficus

Monday, March 29, 2010

Bike Bitch

I got a bike! I tooked her from my aunt Sandy. Her name is Virginia and she is a Raleigh. We are madly in love.

I ate everything in the house last night. MARVELOUS.

Shasta wants to know your opinion on senior citizens.


Saturday, March 27, 2010

Canvas Fail

George couldn't blog yesterday. The internet in La Cancan was out. Sorry.

I met my brother's girlfriend today. She is pretty, nice, the whole deal. The real test will be dinner with my cousins. Good luck, girl.

I was supossed to go door to door today with the center. I have allergies or something, and couldn't move out of bed. Don't cry for me, Argentina. I'll go next month.
I purchased chola jeans. photos will appear soon.


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Blog Bitch

Georgia and I have decided that 'blog bitch' is the proper term for blogging women. So, she is a blog bitch considering that I am theoretically a man.
Today was another convention wasn't very exciting or... Realistic even. My father ordered my birthday present. Milo and I were watching TV. A KFC commercial came on and he announced that he "Wants that combo!". After this declaration of fried chicken, he got up and left.
I walked Georgia down the sttreet. She ditched me. As my sister and I drove down the freeway, Def Leopard came on with "pour some sugar on me." she was more than excited. Some creepy guy driving next to us saw her bodacious dance moves and decided to blow a kiss and stare at us through the window... "I'm hot, sticky and sweet.." will never mean the same thing to me again..


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Chili Cheese Tots

We have one request for the upcoming year: WE WANT TATER TOTS. We (Chell, George, myself) want tots to be sold at school. Forget about tampons or desks. We. Want. TOTS.

I rode a bike for the first time today and LOVED it. It's so cool. Just straight up cool. I was wearing a plaid shirt, so I sort of looked like a beaner. Some guy I went to middle school recognized me. I've never said one word to him and he remembered me. That's the power of face.

George and I have started krumping at lunch. We only have sone move, but we're working on it.


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

My "significant other" went curling. Shasta asked if Georgia knew what an asylum was.The candidates for president and vice handed out tampons and pads. They said "always here for you in your time of need."I need a new notebook.My 7 year old brother said "dope". He also drew "a pig with its head cut off."Sounds like a good day to me.
George Ficus

Monday, March 22, 2010

The delegates have been chosen.

Today was a very exciting day for the Ficus'ssssss.

1. It is convention week. BIG FREAKIN DEAL. Someone nominated me twice for some shitty positions I didn't want...TWICE. I lost, but I heard I did pretty well in the voting. At least i got to compete with George's sister.

George and myself are delegates for our respective delegations. At least I won something. My delegation isn't very spirited. I yelled at them. I get shit done right.

2. In Spanish, I was drawing something profane on George's binder. He hit my with ninja like reflexes. God damn.

Every day, Shasta confuses me a little more. She was singing and touching my leg today. Also, she's having a party. Here's the invitation.

TO: World.
FROM: Shasta.
WHERE: Castle in the sky.

Isn't she cute?

I got a bruise on my left knee. No, it's not from sports. Do I look like I play sports? Come on, now. It's from a meeting with Kip on Satur'sday. I didn't even bump into anything. I'm just retarded and clumsy. Mrs. Van said I am graceful, though. Different strokes...

I just noticed. The font I am using is called Georgia. Meant to be...
-Miss Georgia Ficus.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

We don't blog on Sundays

Sunday is not our day to talk. Being the heretics we are, we prefer to blog on weekdays. We also have joint custody of the blog.

Georgia's Blog Days: Monday, Wednesday, Saturday.
George's Blog Days: Tuesday, Thursday, Friday.

The Blunt Truth for Dumb people

Fuck you. Fuck you for everything that you said or didn't say, did or didn't do, meant or didn't mean. We weren't all that bad, and neither were you in the beginning. We liked you. We put up with you. Sure, we messed up too, but we apologized. We tried to fix it. We really tried to make it work. What did you do? Really, what did YOU do for us?At least we've got each other, George.

A Brief History of the Ficuses

Once upon a time, about one and a half years ago, Georgia Ficus woke up late. She scrambled to get dressed and ready for summer school. She ran up the hill to get to school, but she was late. She walked into a full classroom with no empty seats, except for one. She quickly walked to the aisle seat and tripped. She fixed herself up and sat down next to George Ficus. "Graceful," he remarked. That, my friends, was the beginning. Throughout the years, the Ficuses have had fun, laughs, lust, pain, fear, boredom and icee's. They are eager to share their daily lives with all of you. Thank you for reading.
Rave on.


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Georgia and George Ficus have a long history together. We would like to share our lives with the world of bloggers. ENJOY WORLD. Love, George and Georgia Ficus