It is a rude awakening
when one realizes their existence
is shallow and plastic
That the motive for your existence has never been about pursuing knowledge or realizing the potential of your mind.
My fake laugh has become so natural it is almost real.
The lies I've told myself have become so ingrained in my mind that it is no longer truth that I can tell you,
but a premeditated,
twisted form of the truth.
So I say to my past "lovers" or anyone who has ever given me a passing feeling: it is not mutual. The only reason I stuck around was to satisfy my narcissistic dependency on attention.
All of you could go get run over by a bus
and I would only be concerned about who would fellate me with their words next.
Oh but of course it would appear that I was upset.
I would throw out some government subsidized tears,
maybe an artificially manufactured
"I can't believe they're gone."
On the inside there would always be a hopeful feeling
that I could find someone new to satisfy me,
maybe someone with less issues to deal with.
Hey, maybe this whole bus thing isn't so bad!
There is no way to truly scar me,
as long as there is a song to validate or an idea to use or
a cigarette to attract attention
I will always be ok.
The bottom line of this is the one thing I will ever be able to say with full honesty to anyone:
I don't care about you.
I don't care about your emotional state or your quality of life.
I only feel remorse that I couldn't have used you more.
- ► 2011 (35)
- ▼ July (8)